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marninao's journal
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YEAH! I cannot believe we have been married a week already. I like this being married stuff! Right now we are opening presents. This is fun. But I am a geek. I have my database and we are writing everything down when we open it. So far the best present yet is the three toasters we got from my fantastically silly, wonderful friend Paula [who came in from Utah with her now BEAUTIFUL husband, Randy - not that Randy wasn't attractive before but I haven't seen him in almost 10 years and he has aged really beautifully!]. Paula was so wonderful to have the entire weekend. She and Liz. And Nikki. And Evona. Okay, I was surrounded by everyone I love. I had fun. But as I told Colin, who I now can call my HUSBAND, I will never do this again. Although several people asked me to be their wedding planner. Wouldn't that be a fun job? Gotta run: more presents
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My back was sore from yesterday's romp at the gym, so I took some tramadol. Hence the spacey mood. I really tried to look for spacey in the list of preset moods - which LiveJournal does not have - so I settled for ditsy. But I'm really not ditzy - I am really spacey. I should be working on the USC catalogue but I am procrastinating. After I write, I will put my shoes back on and go into the front room and scan in pictures so that I can finish the catalogue layout. It's not that I don't want to do it... but as Colin pointed out yesterday when he was supposed to be studying, I think this is more a case of me rubbing off on him, the only time my house was ever truly clean was when I had to study for exams. Yes, I'm the PROCRASTINATOR. Colin was supposed to be studying yesterday - I've never seen his toilet bowl so sparkly! Granted not like my ring - but almost. What was I going to write about? Oh yeah: I got my invitations. They are gorgeous! I cannot believe how nice they came out. And the thank yous. That's what really got me. Seeing the names together on one card - my new name. It's scary. Turning my life completely upside down just so that we can legally have sex. Pretty fun, eh? Not that this will really change anything - we all know that "I haven't worked since Vietnam." But it will allow me to pretend. I'm pretty happy with all the choices I've made to date involving this wedding thing. I love the man. I like my dress, shoes, and tiara. I like the event hall, the food, the flowers, the cake, and the band - LOVE the band. I haven't met the judge yet but have spoken via phone - like him too. And I really like the invitations; they are just so me. All of this is "so me." I think the word is eclectic. And I am so happy to be walking down the aisle. That's my little secret; don't tell Colin. Did I mention what Colin wants to have engraved on the inside of our wedding rings? Excess of Joy Weeps; Excess of Sorrow Laughs. One on each ring. And he tells me over and over again that no, I cannot have "Sorrow Floats" on my ring - even though I prefer John Irving to Soren Kierkegaard. And this is only due to the fact that I can actually understand John Irving. I've only tried to get through "Fear and Trembling" once - and that was nearly twenty years ago. And I only made it through the part up to the philosophical rhetoric. Fine, I admit it, I'm pedestrian - go ahead: ask my sister Ellen. Give me fiction any day of the week. I should really get things wrapped up because I need to scan stuff in on my big computer. Now that the invitations are going out in two weeks, we really have to go through with it. I'm getting excited! Much more excited than turning 48 in a few weeks. I need to get this walking thing down. We can do it. We can. It feels so ... close. Breathe!
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I get up super early today to go the gym before my interview and then to work. This is my Tuesday trainer - we work on aerobics [boxing - yes, for REAL!], posture, massages - she now meets me at my car to take out the walker. We are working on correct posture for standing. This is actually helping me be able to rely more on my legs while practicing walking. How strange is that? I don't understand it either, but I'll go with it. I'm still bent over but not as hunched over as before. Let's face it things are going well. Anyway, I get to the gym, put my chair together, get out of the car, roll up to the sidewalk outside the back of the gym, and I wait. No trainer. I call her cell phone. No answer. I'm starting to feel neglected - so I leave her a message saying that I'll be in the car waiting. I go back to the car, take the chair apart, schlep it into the car, change into a different shirt, slowly put on my makeup, decide I really dislike the only eye liner I have with me [why will an eyeliner work really well on my hand and NOT on my eyelids? Is is only me?], end up with really lovely navy blue lines on my hand and thumb, scramble to find something with which I can wipe the mess off, wipe it off, and decide I've waited long enough - Halli is definitely not coming. I leave for the interview. The department of cultural affairs is completely across town - but I have about an hour and a half, no problem: it only takes an hour to go from point A to point B in Los Angeles. It's true, try it sometime. It doesn't matter if you have to be somewhere around the block or thirty miles away, both trips will take the exact same hour. It took me an hour. Go figure. Enough time to drive twice around the block to try and find some of that "AMPLE STREET PARKING" Arleta, the receptionist assured me they had - yeah, right! Finally I decide this isn't worth it and go into the garage. I take the ticket. I park in a handicap space and put up the placard - yeah, I remembered all on my own. I put on my jacket, open the door, assemble the chair, get out and hear something drop on the ground. I look down and sure enough it is one of my earrings. Wonderful, I lost another backing. By now I'm thinking it's around 9:30 and my interview is at 9:40. I pick up the earring and pull out the other one. I check for the garage ticket - and cannot find it anywhere. My dear friend Lizlet will recall a similar ticket fiasco at LAX. When your therapist tells you that you are disorganized, perhaps it is time to listen and do something about! Anyway, I beg the attendant for a new ticket and go on my way. I am in plenty of time. And as a matter of fact, they are running late. I recognize the gentleman as he comes out - he was before me at the first interview. NBD [no big deal]. He is dressed in a nice black suit - I'll get to why I mention this later]. They call me in - the interview goes. There are two gentlemen asking alternating questions. I feel like I am at a tennis match. I try to remember to address both of them while answering the questions. It isn't rocket science - it's curating exhibitions. An entirely opposite side of the brain. I am able to answer all the questions. I make them laugh a few times. I am liking the question, "What do you do if you short funds to cover the budget for an exhibition?" I looked pensively for a moment and said, "Oh, wait, you must work for the Skirball too!" That made them both laugh - I'm sure that's why both men broke into peals of laughter with the bald [or is it hair follically challenged], black suit before me. When it comes down to it - what other choice do we have in life. I tried to be concise, use proper buzz words, and not let the fact that my eye liner SUCKED big time bother me at all. I did try to give them writing samples - but they refused, saying they could not accept anything from the candidates. Okay, not understanding how you can hire someone to be a curator and not want to know how they write. Fine. We exchange niceties and I leave. Now I get to the part about the properly dressed bald, black suit. I also am dressed in black - black stretchies, black doc martens, black socks, a black nehru type jacket over a red tank top that is not visible because the jacket is closed. My hair is twisted on the sides and pulled back into an Israeli barrette that I purchased in January/February 1992 when I was in Israel with my mother [Janet and Hicki were going to school there - which is why we went to visit them]. It cost 10 shekles. Why do I remember this? All the fun earrings and hair things I purchased cost 10 shekles each. But I'm not talking about my Israel trip right now. Sorry that I digressed. Okay, what I'm trying to say that both of us were dressed appropriately for an interview. As I exit the room, I see the next candidate sitting on the couch in the reception area. She is in a casual purple/white skirt with a very casual soft pull over [no, it's a cardigan!] different-shade-of-purple top. Her hair is short but not really neat. She looks to be late thirties/early forties. Who told her this is an appropriate outfit to wear for an interview? Wait, I'm feeling an outbreak of "The Man in the Lemon Yellow Suit" coming on... Great, I'm jinxing it - she will get the job! I just saw her briefly and really got a bad first impression. I will remember the blond purple lady when I go for job interviews from now on. I go to work - and find my original parking ticket - I'd put it in my bra so that I wouldn't forget where it was. Lovely. Don't need to even go there. Work was the usual "fun." Yes, I even attended the lovely town hall meeting. We had to meet someone new and have a discussion with them about their family's immigration experience. I spent my time with Claudia - who works as an assistant in the President's Office. She told me that she moved here a few years ago from Germany with her husband. She has absolutely NO accent what-so-ever! We exchanged stories and told a little bit about each other. That part was nice. For a change it wasn't excruciating to sit there and listen to more mission spouting and touting. I hate listening to shit like, "We welcome EVERYONE." yeah, except employees with extensive medical problems! Can't go there either. There aren't enough words in the world that could begin to explain the Skirball's warped sense of "Jewish Values." So, I drive home - it's Tuesday, very little traffic, except for the 10 East. Are we surprised? I get to Andrea, call her and alert her to the fact that I am here. She's coming down. Meanwhile, I check my messages - wanting to know if Halli called to explain - apologize - hello? Nothing. So I call Colin because he had left me a message because he loves me and we chat until Andrea gets there. Of course we chat for two minutes about Colin and then I get pissed about Halli not calling and her dissing me now for a SECOND time. I think I just needed to blow it off or it would have gnawed away at me all night. Fine, I bitch and then I'm okay. We talk about another of Andrea's regular patients, Rose. Remind me, I'll blather about Rose another time. She's a trip. So we get home and do the usual stuff we need to for the evening - and I get into bed. Andrea goes to fill up my large water bottles and I decide to check my phone messages. Sure enough there is a message from 5:45pm from Halli. I'm waiting to hear her excuse... "Oh, Fran, I'm so sorry. I can't believe I did this to you again. My father died on Friday. I tried to get everything squared away before I left for San Francisco - and I just forgot to leave you a message..." It went on. She said she'd call me tonight when she got back into town. Is it possible to go from being pissed to feeling like a royal bitch in under ten seconds. Ohmigod, I felt so horrible for her. I know exactly what she is going through. Exactly. I felt like the prick who called me an hour after I got home from my father's funeral to ask me if I was taking vacation or time off without pay. Halli did call me at 8pm and we spoke. Everything is fine between us and we are on for next Tuesday at 7:30am as always. Jewish Guilt, thy name is Frances.
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I had my second day of walking with my trainer yesterday. Last week I walked about 3/4 of the length of the gym. Yesterday I walked, turned around and walked back about 3/4 of the length. This is with breaks and all - but hey, I am doing it! I was tired going in yesterday - and was expecting a sort of ish-ish day. But it was amazing! [Hence all the exclamation marks...] While I was on walking breaks [my trainer is all into recovery time - and me, I would push to beyond exhaustion if he didn't hold me back - which is why I pay him to keep me in check and do things properly], I kept remembering that first walk around the quad at Rancho with Colin and Shani five years ago. Yes, my first spinal cord injury/paralysis happened just five years ago - November 6, 2001. The date went completely unremembered this year. Anyway, back to Rancho with Colin and Shani: I remember how I kept having to take breaks - but you couldn't wipe the smile off my face. Somewhere I have a photograph of me in my leopard print pajamas. Boy did I look happy. So yesterday, I kept zoning and thinking about how great I did at Rancho - and how fast my body is adapting now. Who knows what the future holds - but I'm going to push for the best that I can do. And I'm doing this with no braces - this is all my legs and arms doing this. And yesterday I didn't have to stop because my arms were hurting. My legs are actually pulling their own weight [well, you know what I mean!]. It is such a great feeling. I'm going walking again on Wednesday. The world is mine. Everything is so good. I found a judge for the wedding! One of my mentors from Skirball found him for me - a friend of one of her sons-in-law. He sounds really nice. He wants to meet with us a few times so that he can get to know us and make the wedding ceremony personal. I like this. I don't know if Colin will - but too bad. This whole wedding thing is really becoming fun. Yeah! All the big stuff for the wedding is done. My invitations are in! And the envelopes are at the calligrapher - I just decided to go for it - my invitations are very "me." I redesigned the inside of the invitation itself - every time I work with a designer they hate me - I have to tweak everything! I moved all the text around and I changed the fonts. It's more "me" now. I took the design of the rsvp card from a different card all together because I liked the other invitation - but it only came in Navy Blue with pale yellow text - definitely not me! But I really liked the design - sigh. It made it all the way to the final cut - but Andrea was sitting next to me and every time I went back to it, she would gently shake her head - she knows my tastes pretty well by now. We've been together 2 years. Anyway, I didn't like the rsvp cards from my design, so I just had them create a completely new design - that I modified from the navy blue card. That's what graphics is all about: you see a design and you change it to fit your needs. Cool news: I am taking Colin shoe shopping on Friday before we head up to Pleasanton to celebrate with the Weinsteins! I am so happy for Terri - becoming a bat mitzvah as an adult is incredible - wanting to do something you didn't have to opportunity to do at age 13. And glad to be the Ozur-family representative. And proud to have my fiance with me - really proud of him realizing that Ozur-family celebrations are his as well. So back to the shoes. The first time Colin came to thanksgiving at mom's house - I think Ari was 7 or 8 years old [yes, that was the infamous Brown children attacking Colin at the refridgerator with "Are you going to maaarry her?" Ari is now 22!] - I took him to Prince George's Mall [don't ask me why!]. Colin saw the Florsheim Store and became like a kid in a candy shop. Milton Florsheim started the Florsheim Shoe Company in 1892 in Chicago, Illinois. They were the paradigm of men's business shoes since then - that is until men started having casual days at work. I remember Herbert buying several shoes from that store [I have a memory going with him to the mall]. So, we went in and Colin bought himself two pairs of standard, sturdy, old-man's shoes, one black and one burgundy - the only two colors the shoes come in. They must have been the same dress-up shoes his father owned. Colin walked in the store and walked right over to them, he became gooey eyed, refusing to even look at other shoes. Even the name of the shoe sounds old fashioned: Lexington Wing Tips. These Lexington Wing Tips have been his dress-up shoes for 14 years. And they are sturdy shoes. Did I mention that they were sturdy? They never die! He's had the soles replaced twice and the damn shoes still last. Wait, can you tell what I think about them? To me they've always looked like old man shoes. When the soles needed to be replaced I suggested going out to buy new shoes but Colin is stubborn and said no, the shoes were still good. Where did he pick up that depression era thinking? He's from Montana for god's sake! Back to the sturdy, Lexington Wing Tips that-never-die in the present: over the past 14 years, Colin has gained some weight and his feet have shifted - so the sturdy, Lexington Wing Tips that-never-die have become excruciatingly uncomfortable. But this is Colin, and he is stubborn; he continues to say the sturdy, Lexington Wing Tips that-never-die are still good - which they are. Thank you Florsheim. He comes home from work - when he wears them - or from out-of-town business meetings, symposiums, or conferences and his feet kill him for days. I have turned into a shoe-nag: Colin we can find you dress shoes that are really comfortable. But he is so stubborn when it comes to his sturdy, Lexington Wing Tips that-never-die. Lately, however, he has been wavering - dare I say have I been wearing him down - or is it that he realizes the pain he suffers from wearing his sturdy, Lexington Wing Tips that-never-die is not worth his stubbornness - and he has Finally agreed to go shoe shopping before we leave for our Pleasanton trip. How exciting is this? I'm going to try to bring Colin into the 21st century - may the Lexington Wing Tips that-never-die find a sweet resting place in one of our three storage units. Amen. Wow, that was a large blather. I guess after a while it just becomes, "blah, blah, blah..." Oh well... it doesn't matter. The world is mine!
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I think I've just been really busy lately - and haven't had time to do anything fun for myself - like updating my journal. Plans for the wedding are going fairly well. I still don't have anyone to marry us. I'm wondering if this is a big problem? Oh well. Mom wants me to ask the mayor of Los Angeles to do it. I'm thinking not so much - besides, I didn't vote for Antonio Villarigosa. I'm just looking for a judge. Should it really be this hard? Our invitations are in! I'm going to have the envelopes addressed and then we are on our way! November isn't that huge of a rush - except with graphics jobs. At least I'll be finished [sort of] with the Project Chicken Soup Kosher Cookbook! Can you believe it - over TWO years I've been spear heading this project. Then I have two USC graphic projects I am working on. Plus the Skirball Cultural Center's teen website; we went live last week and everyone was thrilled with it. Until external affairs said, Oh, wait - we should have looked closer when we were doing the edits. No big deal - it's just finding the time to do this while putting together the Saul Bass exhibition. It is such an exhausting time at work. I don't have time to complete all of my work. But that's neither here nor there. Running a business at night is hard enough - but doing it while working full time, planning a wedding, being on the board of a Foundation, and living with a spinal cord injury - now there's the challenge. Did I mention that I love Colin? Man does he take good care of me. I hope he knows how deeply I feel for him. And I am finally getting the chance to hold my head up among all the married ladies that gather. I guess having this shiny ring means a lot. Now, as my youngest sister said, if I could only get my hands to not look so wrinkly! I'm turning 48 in a month and a half - I'm not sure when this number sneaked up on me. But it really did. Wasn't it yesterday that I lost all that weight in order to have a turkey-baster-baby? That was 1988. Wasn't that only yesterday that I turned 30. Twenty years have gone by in almost a wink of an eye. I know I'm doing really badly this week when my therapist mentioned that I looked like I was on drugs - I hadn't taken anything at all. He was kind of worried about me. I hate being sick - not that it's an excuse or anything - but I wish I was over this respitory crap. It's taking too much out of me. I spent the day in bed coughing, sneezing, having diarrhea, and trying to get rid of all the phlegm in my chest. How lucky am I? I think I've rambled on about nothing enough for tonight. I guess this is what happens when I start writing with no real aim in mind...
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Sorry, but this is a wedding rant. Sorry for dumping, but: I’m drained. Things got ugly this weekend with my family [ie, TWO of my three sisters] and the constraints they are putting on my wedding. It it feels so out of hand with all the demands they are making. Then when Colin came home he at first rushed to my defense and then... things got ugly. Perhaps I should step back a minute and explain a bit of the family dynamics. I am the second of four sisters. Even at a young age,I tried to be the peacekeeper: always letting everyone else's needs come before mine. For the past 25 years, and then 14 years [two sisters got married in the same year] I was the only one who wasn't married or had children, so my needs always came last. In the past few years, since my spinal cord injury, sometimes I feel as if I am being treated as this helpless thing that cannot keep up with the rest of the world. So I am sort of ignored. They don't know how I am in my daily life. I am very independent. I get along in life almost just fine! Okay, the major exception being my 'fun, fun, fun bowel accidents!' I can go just as fast and as far and anyone on two legs; I've conditioned my arms as any wheelchair user. I can get in and out of the car myself. I can take apart and schlep my chair wherever I need to and I can do transfers onto almost anything! So now it isn't a matter of my needs taking forefront, it is them not inviting me because they think I can't keep up or come. Right. Anyway, back to the wedding. Wasn't this supposed to be Colin's and my wedding? I understand my sister's a rabbi and my brother-in-law is a hazan - but I can't keep bowing to their comfort level over what I would like to include in my civil union. [Wait, did I mention that Colin is not Jewish?] Anyway, what first started this whole shebang was me spending 5 hours on the internet yesterday trying to find a song to to which I could walk down the aisle. Don't start with me, my paradigm of myself for 45 years included me saying walking to get around - so there. When Colin came home, I asked him if he thought it was appropriate for me to walk down the aisle to the Fifth Dimension song, "Wedding Bell Blues." Hey, it's sort of appropriate [18 years and all] - right? When Colin asked why I told him about my frustrating day. And as we were talking the shit hit the fan [so to speak - I mean, with me, there's always the chance that this could be literal!]. What Colin was upset over is that he feels I can’t stand up to my family and that I should be making his and my needs known. We are rightful members of this family as well. I just forgot to find my voice. I really do know how to use it. It's just he's right: I am constantly seeking approval from them. I'm almost 48 years old; I really need to work on this. Hmm, I see a therapy session coming on. Anyway, this morning Colin was still angry about yesterday's "situation." [Please visualize me "finger quoting." I love to finger quote, ever since I saw the movie "Heathers." It's still one of my all time favorites, "What's your damage?" really is a keeper.] So, I went to the gym to have a massage and do boxing [don’t those two activities seem so diametric?] – however my trainer didn’t show up. If I ever needed a time to punch something, today was it! So instead of going directly to work from the gym, I back home to talk with Colin. On the way I started balling out of frustration. Isn't this engagement time supposed to be fun? Normally these days I go around feeling so happy. I have this wonderful man, who I love. Who loves me in spite of me, in spite of my physical limitations, and because of who I am. He loves me and wants to make a commitment to me. This is the most amazing feeling. [Back to the story] So, while I was waiting for Colin to finish his morning ablutions, I called my mother, who has been very supportive of me making my own decisions [except for what I wanted to do with the invitations - but I'm bowing to her wishes on this one because she is paying for everything and I feel like I owe her this respect]. I was calm by now but I explained to her that things have gotten way out of hand and she became furious with one of my sisters. My mother said that she would speak to her tonight [You realize of course that this is my baby sister, who is 40 years old! My oldest sister is 51, I’m 47, and the next one after me is 43]. We are way too old to have my mother interfere – but at this point, I can’t even handle talking to two of them right now [only the 43 year old is not freaking out over anything - she's being truly amazingly supportive, "You want to do what? Oh, okay..." I am very grateful to her!]. So now, Mommy comes to my rescue: yelling at me that this is Colin and my wedding and that we can do anything we damn well please. She is going to call my sister tonight and explain that this is our wedding and if there is something with which my sister's family is uncomfortable, they can skip the ceremony and just come to the reception. I don't have the brass cahonies to do this. The problem is I do want my family there. I know Colin isn’t Jewish – and this is causing a problem for one of my brother-in-laws. But at the same time, my sister really has to understand that Colin has been making compromises as well. He wanted to get married in a church but isn’t because he respects my feelings. We decided to do a civil union because of that. Both of us would love it if the situation was different. But Judaism means too much to me and I would never dream of asking Colin to convert. He has a right to his own beliefs. Colin and I were okay with our decisions. I just wish my family could be happy for us. I want to be happy to and not cause any waves. But right now I’m bending so far I feel like I’m breaking. [Oy: this sounds a bit too "Fiddler on the Roof." The ironic thing about this, is that my father always said to us [whenever we saw productions of the play - my mother played Yenta many times]near the end of the play when the entire family was being forced out of their Russian schtel and Chava and Fyetka were leaving, "I won't be like Tevya. I won't wish you well."] So, things with Colin are better. He will get to have his vows and I will get to have whatever song I want to "walk" down the aisle. Colin said that if I actually "walked" down the aisle, that I could have ten prayers played. He said that if I could get up and take a few steps, he would dance with me during the reception. I have four months... So, I am so ready for chocolate right now. I guess it would help if I really liked chocolate. Either way, if I wasn't a diabetic, I would SO being going for something bad! After all, as a very wise cartoonist once pointed out: Stressed spelled backwards is DESSERTS!
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Today is a wedding ramble day. So I finally get around to having pictures taken of me wearing my ring. My shiny, sparkly ring. And as I bring them into photoshop for color correction, the first thing that I notice is how AWFUL my hands look. I remember my grandfather telling me that I had beautiful hands. And I believed him. And then it hits me that the man died in 1986... So sometime in the last twenty years, since my grandfather wasn't watching, my hands grew old. No, I am not blaming him; I blame my hands. And of course the knuckles are covered in dark bruises; what can you expect from taking up boxing [this is not a joke - I guess I'll talk about this later]. I'll have to remember this from now on. The wedding is only 4 1/2 months away. I will have turned 48 by then. It's only downhill for my hands from now on. Is it time to start slathering in moisturizer? And to be honest, from where I sit, I just never noticed my hands growing older than the rest of me - as they obviously must have done [please agree with me!]. I guess for now, I will have to be content with the knowledge that at 25, I did indeed have beautiful hands. Grandpa, I miss you!
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I know that eventually I'm going to have to explain why I titled my journal: Beyond High Maintenance. I guess now is as a good a time as any... In November it will be five years since I slipped a disk at the T12/L1 level, collapsed in pain while at work, was rushed to a hospital, had emergency surgery, and woke up from the surgery completely paralyzed from the waist down. I know, I know you are thinking just how much fun it sounds like - but hey, I'm one of those people who will never tell you how great this was to have happened to me - or how my life turned around for the better because of it. No, I would trade my life back for ANYTHING. Just ask me. I think some days I'd even sell my soul to be able to do all the things I used to be able to do - like walk, pee on a toilet [without a catheter], have control of my bowels, and dare I say: experience an orgasm just one more time (well, if it was just once, it would have to be a really, Really, REALLY explosive orgasm!). But my story doesn't end just there. I struggled and struggled and with a lot of really great physical therapy and a lot of shear determination I learned how to walk again. At first it was with braces and a walker, next I traded in the walker for English crutches, then I lost the braces, and finally I traded in the crutches for a quad cane. Not only did I amaze my therapists, but myself as well. And I started taking yoga. And I liked it. Okay, I had a chair to help me get up and down off the floor - but it was still exciting to be able to say that I was doing yoga! I even had my spinal cord adjustment 'story' published in a book! My essay is entitled, "When you come to a fork in the road, take it" and is in the book "From There to Here" - a series of essays written by adults on how they adapted to living with spinal cord injuries. My essay starts on page 205. And then it happened. I'm not sure how or why [why being the critical here] but in March 2004 I had a relapse. I slipped two more disks as well as the one at T12/L1 - again! My new surgeon informed me that the 2001 surgeon only removed half the disk. Lovely, lovely, lovely university hospital! And the outcome of my emergency surgery? I was once again paralyzed. There will be a lot more time for me to go into details at some later date. I will add that I am now in a manual wheelchair [let's hear it for strong women everywhere!]; life happens. Anyway, back to my journal title. Before this all happened, Colin [remember him, he's the fiance] used to tell me that I was 'high maintenance.' I disagree - and I don't think anyone who knew me in the before time would have ever referred to me as this. But after my SCI [spinal cord injury], I told Colin that I was 'Beyond High Maintenance." At the time of my first surgery, I didn't have insurance - another story for another time. So when I got to rehab, I decided I was going to start writing about my experiences in sci-land, I would get the journal published, go on Oprah, make a million dollars, and then be able to pay off my medical bills. Suffice it to say, that didn't happen. But it was a fun thought at the time. At least I did publish a chapter of my book... and I'm working on the second chapter about my most recent experiences. It's entitled: "When you're going through hell, keep going!" Yes, I like to borrow quotes for my literary aspirations - the first chapter was for Yogi Berra, the second Winston Churchill.
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Why does life seem to drag some days for months on end until you hit a patch where there are not enough hours in the day? I'm going through the latter - not that I completely mind - but I'd love to have someone remind me to take a breath every few hours. It's that same feeling that you get at work when you realize that it is 4pm and you'd forgotten to pee all day. My big indulgence was tonight: the season opener of "it's good to be girlie" Gilmore Girls. Now that Stargate SG-1 is off until March, I need to have some weekly guilty pleasure. Who knows if I will actually continue to watch the show - I did get bored in the middle of last season after all. But I really want to take the tour of the Warner Brothers studio that Ellen went on - Joseph and I talked about going together. Isn't it great to have someone at work who shares the same guilty pleasure and isn't embarrassed to admit it? If only someone at work admitted that they watched Stargate... if only. Or maybe I should actually say that someone came forward to admit being as much of a Richard Dean Anderson freak as am I. I followed the man's career since his days on General Hospital. And in 1988, I ran into him [during his Macgyver days] - literally - during the intermission of Les Mis - he is tall. And beautiful. Sigh. Okay, it's out, I'm a certifiable idiot. But it's stuff like this that makes life fun. Besides, Colin just shakes his head and laughs at me. Why does the man encourage me?
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The new year is barely two days old and it already feels very exciting. Perhaps the roller coaster is slowing down a bit; or is it speeding up? These days it's hard to tell. So, after eighteen years of being together, Colin proposed. We were attending the 40th anniversary star trek convention in Las Vegas. It was very "romantic" - he asked me in between the panel with Uhura, Checkov and Sulu and while we were waiting for the panel with Mr. Spock and Captain Kirk. My reaction, "Are you kidding?" Please remember, it's been eighteen years... After kissing and starting that goofy glow that seems to follow me around everywhere these days, Colin gently reminded me that I hadn't said yes. I picked up my cell phone and dialed his number and waited breathlessly for him to answer. The minute he said hello, I said, "Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!" Of course, the day he asked me was the one day I had to decide to wear my original season captain's shirt. Can we say embarassing engagement picture in twenty different languages? We had a great time at the convention, but getting engaged was definitely the highlight.
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